I have been in Teacher’s College for almost two months, but I have been in classes for only one month so far. As a black woman, it’s been disappointing to only see white faces as the speakers of every class I have. We have had multiple guest speakers and lecturers in this short month and yet I have only seen white faces staring back at me, sharing with me how they teach. There is nothing wrong with having white educators but ONLY seeing white educators who are known in the field is disheartening. I have always known that teaching is a white, women dominated profession but seeing it firsthand has been hard for me. Every single day I hear from people who have no idea what it means to live as a colored person in a white world; I hear from people who do not know what it means to carry your blackness with you everywhere you go within spaces that work hard to devalue your blackness. I have people telling me how to teach, yet they fail to discuss how colonization and systemic racism are embedded in our education system. Part of the reason I came to Teacher’s College is because I saw the huge need to have colored teachers in this profession. I guess seeing how white supremacy is steeped in education makes me realize all the more the great responsibility that I have to be in this profession. Black girls and boys deserve to have a teacher of color. Black boys and girls deserve to see themselves represented in positions of leadership. Black girls and boys deserve to have their histories and stories heard and celebrated within the classroom.
I am here in Teacher’s College because I have to tell a different story within education. I need others like me to see that they are not the only ones, that they matter and that they can be in positions of leadership even though they do not recognize their faces within these positions. I want black boys and girls to know that they have just as much of a right to become a teacher or doctor or scientist as much as their white friends. Having colored teachers represented in education is CRITICAL if we are to work towards dismantling white supremacy in the institutions where students are learning. Representation matters so much more than we would ever admit. For too long I have believed lies about myself related to my blackness and I will not allow other black girls and boys do the same if I can help it in some way.
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After being in mostly white spaces for the past 10 years of my life, I am starting to realize how I have hidden and neglected my blackness in an attempt to blend in with white society. I have failed to fully embrace and appreciate my blackness and all that comes along with it. I have missed out on the opportunity to really get to know my heritage and culture because I’ve constantly been fed messages about whiteness and white supremacy. I have internalized so many negative messages about myself and what it means for me to be a black woman. So often I have equated my failure to fit it, my inability to find romantic love and so many other outcomes, to my blackness. I have told myself that to be black in mostly white spaces is to never fully belong. In some strange and unfortunate way, I have told myself that to be black is to not be good enough; to be black is to fail in some sense. And what a shame, what a dishonor to my ancestors and my God, that I would disvalue my beauty and worth because of my blackness. What a shame that I would try to hide some of my blackness to blend in with the norm. There is a magic and a power that comes with my blackness. There is a strength and resilience that comes with my blackness. And how often I have forgotten who I am and where I come from because I have lost myself within white spaces. In white spaces, my blackness is not celebrated but it is silenced. In white spaces, my blackness is not acknowledged, it is ignored. I am tired of shrinking back to accommodate to white society. I am tired of covering up in an attempt to go unnoticed. My blackness is what makes me unique, it is the thing that makes me stand out in a white crowd. And I will not be ashamed of it any longer. I will hold it proudly and boldly. I will declare the brilliance and beauty and strength that is attached to my blackness. I will not shrink back; I will stand up.
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AuthorRecent Brock Graduate and First Year Teacher! I love to talk about life, justice and faith. Archives
March 2023
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