Oftentimes in life things happen that you don't necessarily plan for. Going on a leave in my 3rd year of teaching is one of those things I really did not plan or expect was going to happen. After re-organization, I was given a very difficult class. Teaching middle school can already be challenging but here I was trying to build a positive classroom space a month after school had already started, while trying to navigate a variety of classroom dynamics that weren't healthy. My students didn't get along with each other, many of them were falling behind academically and there was a lot of explosive behaviors in my classroom. I thought I could push through the whole year but day by day, I felt like I was starting to hate the person I was becoming while working. I would drive home after work and would cry and swear at the top of my lungs. I was becoming so cynical, angry and frustrated. I felt like I couldn't do my job well and at the same time, I had all these expectations put on me all at once that didn't feel humanely possible to reach. Almost everyday I kept telling my family how much I didn't want to be at school but yet, I held onto hope that maybe things could change and be better than they were. Every now and then I would have a good day but my hard days became the norm. Then one week I had reached my breaking point and decided I was finally going to talk to my doctor. I booked an appointment unsure about what the outcome would be, but I just knew something had to change. My last day of school was a Wednesday, and that day four of my students had gotten suspended. I left school that day feeling unsupported and just so angry. I knew as I walked out of the school doors that I wasn't coming back. The next day I met my doctor and told her I needed to go on leave starting that week. It has now been 10 weeks since I left my classroom. Currently, I am in the process of figuring things out to return to work. There are still many unknowns related to when I will go back and in what context. But as I prepare for my return to work, I thought I'd share some of the things I've learned during my time off.
1. Work does not define you. Your purpose and identity aren't found in what you do. You can still live meaningfully when you aren't working a full time job 2. Relationships are what make life worth living 3. Work will always be there, your health will not. It is not worth it to sacrifice your well being for a job. You are replaceable at work so do not feel guilty for doing what you need to do for your own health. 4. People might not understand your decision; you aren't required to explain yourself to anyone. People will also be more supportive and understanding than you expected. 5. Even though you feel like you failed as a teacher because you took a leave so early in your career, this is one of the best career decisions you could have ever made 6. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Busyness and work can sometimes distract us from the pure joy of being alive 7. At first, rest will feel daunting. But with time, you will begin to value and appreciate the beauty in resting. Your worth isn't found in your productiveness 8. Prioritize the things that truly matter to you. You won't always have as much time as you'd like but learn to make time. 9. Your family won't always be close by, cherish them while they are 10. God's timing is absolutely perfect, always. He uses every part of our story for good.
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AuthorRecent Brock & Queen's graduate and Third Year Teacher! I love to talk about life, justice and faith. Archives
July 2022
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